I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
