Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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