I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
