so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
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