The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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