Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
