I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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