That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
