Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
