OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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