I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
