Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
