Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
