For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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