im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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