I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
