Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Ketchup is God's man juice
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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