So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
