Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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