Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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