I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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