Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
pray to the hookup gods
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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