Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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