shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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