don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
