I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
There's always time for handjobs
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
