tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
