this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
