The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
