just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
