I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
