Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize