Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
