seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
