I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
