no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
