I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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