finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
