Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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