Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
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On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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