Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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