recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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