It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
