i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
