I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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