I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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