I think I died a long time ago.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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