she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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