Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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