Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
