I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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