I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
