I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
