my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
