shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
