Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
