he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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