It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
