Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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