Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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