I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Alive.
So much puke
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
