So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
