It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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