when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
