im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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