after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
