OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If that was your dad, he is hot
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
