Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
