Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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