remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
