Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
