she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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