Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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