she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
