It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
