I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
