I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
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I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
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It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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