i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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