I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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