The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
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